Align Ourselves Page 13

  "Oh, come one," he said. "It's easy. I learned when I was a kid. I taught Grace. I can teach you."

  She was still looking away.

  "Okay, but...but I'm not...I'm not getting naked," she said, turning in his general direction but not looking at him directly.

  He rolled his eyes. "Is that why you're so uncomfortable?"

  "Yeah," she said. "It is."

  "Okay, well...stay in your clothes. I promise I won't get too close," he said, his voice mocking.

  "Fine," she said.

  She went back onto the shore and took off her pants and her shirt, leaving her in her underwear and a thin undershirt. Before she could think of a way to talk herself out of it, she trudged into the water.

  "So," she said, once the water was up to her waist. "What do I do?"

  He laughed.

  Her cheeks flushed, "If you're going to laugh at me, then I'm going to leave," she yelled.

  "Calm down," he said, raising his hands. "And come closer."

  She took a few tiny steps towards him, the water now up to her rib cage.

  "I-I can't go any further," she said; this was already too deep.

  "Hey," he said, grabbing her arm but keeping her at an arm's distance, "I promise I won't let you drown" he was fighting a smile.

  "What's so funny," she asked. She didn't find the situation amusing at all.

  "Nothing," he answered quickly. "First things first, let me teach you how to float."

  He came a little closer and gently bent forward to place one hand on her back and the other behind her knees. He lifted her knees up, and she leaned back into his hand.

  And then, she was lying in the water.

  "Oh my god," she screeched, "Don't let go!"

  He laughed a bit, saying, "Relax. I won't. Just relax. Don't fight it."

  She stayed like that for a while, and then he moved his hands out from under her. Until she was floating by herself.

  It was a little scary, she had to admit. But he stayed close to her. After a while, he joined her. He floated next to her, an arm's reach away.

  Eventually, he turned her on her stomach and taught her how to move her arms and legs to stay afloat. After a few hours, Aria's arms ached, but she couldn't remember the last time she'd done something so fun.

  She was floating on her back when the sun started to set. She figured it was time to go, that they shouldn't hike back up in the dark. She got to her feet and looked around.

  When she didn't see him, she panicked.

  "Lex," she yelled, turning in a circle. "Lex?!"

  Oh my god...what if he drowned? But the water was undisturbed on all sides.

  "Lex-"

  She screamed when she felt someone come up behind her and place a hand over her mouth. She bit down on it, hard.

  "Ouch," Lex yelled from behind her, in between bursts of laughter.

  Relief washed over her. And then, anger.

  "You! Fucking! Asshole!" she screamed, splashing water at him.

  "I-I'm sorry," he said, but he was still laughing.

  She moved past him, getting out of the water and making her way towards her clothes. She could hear him following behind her. She put on her boots and grabbed her clothes, walking towards the house in her wet undergarments.

  She could hear him calling after her, but he had stopped to put his clothes back on.

  It was another few minutes before he caught up to her.

  "Hey," he said, coming up beside her. He was fighting a smile. It only made her even more pissed. "I'm sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all.

  "Screw you! You-you really fucking scared me. Have you forgotten what I've been living like for the past few months? Worrying about being snatched or worse?" She had stopped walking to properly yell at him.

  "Oh, come on," he said, rolling his eyes.

  "Fuck you! You have no idea what it's like to live like that. I spent every waking minute looking over my shoulder!" Her heart was beating too fast. She hadn't even realized how angry she was until then. "And you just- you...you fucking asshole," she said, absolutely livid now. She put her hands on his chest and shoved him back as hard as she could.

  He was taken by surprise, not expecting it at all. He stumbled back a few steps and tripped on something, landing on his back.

  She was worried for a fraction of a second, but the anger that still lingered in her chest and her mind made it easy to shove the worry aside and glare at him before stomping off.

  "Aria," he yelled after her, but she kept going.

  Eventually, he caught up. He grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn around.

  "Don't fucking touch me," she spat.

  He let go a second later, putting his hands up. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't...I was just messing around. I don't know why I- Fuck. I'm sorry. Okay," he said, moving to stand in her way.

  "No! It's not okay," she yelled. She didn't want to let it go that easily.

  "Come on, I really am sorry. I should have- I should have considered how it might make you feel. I wasn't thinking about that. It was stupid."

  She sighed. "Fine," she said, walking around him.

  "Are you just saying that so I'll stop talking to you," he asked, now smiling again. That fucking asshole.

  "Yes," she said, looking straight ahead.

  "Oh, come on! Let me make it up to you."

  "And how are you gonna do that?"

  "I don't know. Just tell me how. And whatever it is, I'll do it."

  She thought about it for a few minutes before looking up at him. "Okay," she said, now smiling a little.

  "Ugh. I don't like that look on your face."

  "What? My smile?"

  "No, that's not your real smile. That's your 'I'm gonna embarrass the hell out of Lex' smile."

  Now she really smiled. He was so ridiculous.

  "What do you want me to do," he asked.

  "I don't know just yet. I need to think about it."

  "Whenever you're ready," he said.

  Chapter 20

  She considered telling him about Ben, right then and there. And asking him for forgiveness, demanding it in exchange for his trick. But she dismissed the thought right after she had it. There was no way she could do that. She had to tell him, but she had to be serious about it. She didn't want to imagine his reaction if she joked about such a thing.

  They made their way back to the house. The sun had set by then, and the warmth from the afternoon was gone. The walk up kept her warm, but even so, she was shivering by the time they got inside.

  "I'll start a fire," Lex said as soon as he walked in.

  She nodded and went to bathe and find something to change into.

  It was a terrible idea, but she went outside and filled a few buckets with the water from the well for her bath. Her skin had already started itching by the time they got back. She put the fresh clothes on and made her way back downstairs.

  "You could have just asked me to get the water for you," Lex said, looking at her wet hair.

  "You'd like that, wouldn't you? For me to waste my one demand on a bath?"

  "What? No...I mean, I would have done it anyway," he said, shaking his head.

  He left to take his own bath. Aria ate while he was occupied.

  When he was clean and dressed, he joined her at the table.

  "Do you like the book," he asked.

  She nodded. "Why does this ancient stuff interest you so much?"

  "Sometimes when my mother would visit, while I was still young, she'd read me old books about Greek gods and Roman emperors. She'd leave the books after she left. I used those same books to learn how to read. And now, they just kind of remind me of her so..." he looked away like he'd said too much.

  "Oh," was all Aria said.

  It was so weird. How could the man that made her want to pull her own hair out make her feel so much like comforting him?

  "Do you believe in that stuff," she asked, trying to change the subject. She knew how to be angry with him; hell,
she knew how to like him. But the feeling that was washing over her now was too different, too scary.

  "What stuff?"

  "Like, the gods and whatnot? In your books? Or do you believe in like...the one god?"

  "I don't believe in anything," he said. And the look in his eyes made her next question die in her throat.

  She thought about what he said over the next hour or so as they sat there, reading their books in the dim room. How can he not believe in anything? She wasn't exactly sure what her beliefs were, not anymore. But there had to be something, right? There was a purpose, wasn't there?

  Eventually, her thoughts turned dark. She thought about all the people she had hurt in her life. And how even if there was somewhere else to go, people like her wouldn't be going there. She climbed into bed a while later and desperately tried to think of something else, anything else.

  The only other thought that stuck with her was that she was running out of time. They'd be leaving the day after tomorrow. And she had convinced herself that she had to tell him and that this time alone was the best time to do it.

  She gathered her courage. She opened her mouth to say something. And she almost did. Almost.

  She couldn't remember when she’d fallen asleep last night, but now the sunlight was streaming through the little window in the cottage.

  And Lex Mills, the king, had his arm around her waist.

  They'd slept in the same bed for quite a few nights. She couldn't remember how many days had actually passed since they'd gotten married. But since that first night, he'd stuck to his side and his side only. Just as she had.

  But when she woke, the first thing she registered was the heavy arm draped around her middle. The second thing she noted was the warmth of his body, pressed up against hers.

  And he must've been the one who reached out, who came closer. Because she was still in the same position, she'd fallen asleep in, on her side, facing the wall.

  She paused for a few seconds, trying to even her breathing. She could feel a tiny gust of warm air tickling the top of her head as he exhaled.

  What should she do? She didn't feel like getting up. But what if he woke up? She could only imagine how awkward that situation would be. But if she tried to move, he might wake up anyway?

  She tried to relax, hoping that he was still asleep. Hoping that the fact that she suddenly went rigid and tense didn't wake him.

  Eventually, she relaxed. He was still asleep. She decided to stay put and pretend that she was sleeping too, hoping that he'd wake and realize what he'd done.

  She hadn't been so physically close to anyone in a long time. She'd forgotten how nice it was. And it wasn't just the warmth. There was something safe, something peaceful about being held like that. She hadn't been held like that in a long, long time.

  A little while later, she felt him wake. She knew it, based on the way that his muscles went rigid. He moved his arm, pulling it away gently, probably hoping that she didn't notice.

  But she couldn't help herself. The moment was just too good to pass up.

  "Well, well, well. What do you know? The big scary king is a cuddler," she said, feeling him tense even more so than before. She fought the urge to laugh, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling.

  He sighed.

  She turned to face him. "What will all of his subjects say?"

  "Shut up," he said, turning his head the other way. And she couldn't believe her eyes when she looked over and saw a little pink blush on his cheeks.

  "Oh my god! You're blushing!"

  "No," he said, his voice stern. "I'm not."

  She couldn't stop herself from laughing now. Really laughing. "The king is a cuddler! I can't wait to tell everyone!"

  "I was not cuddling you. I-I was...it was for warmth."

  She laughed even harder.

  He got up, shaking his head.

  "Aw, have I embarrassed you," she asked. She was really enjoying it, teasing him.

  "I don't get embarrassed, Aria. And I definitely don't cuddle."

  "Why? Do you guys have another term for it here?"

  "Shut up."

  "You cuddled me. The king cuddled me," she said, laughing.

  He shook his head and walked away, going into the bathroom.

  Aria turned on her side, smiling to herself. She waited for him to come back, not ready to let it go.

  "Why are you so embarrassed," she asked. She knew why it was embarrassing for her, but him? She'd never really even seen him look uncomfortable. And definitely not embarrassed.

  "I'm not," he said, not looking at her. "And like I said, it was for warmth. So don't get any ideas."

  "What? No...I-I'm just teasing," she said, now embarrassed herself. And a small part of her felt a little hurt by what he said. She wasn't even sure why. She didn't have anything to say after that.

  They made their way down to the kitchen. He made them some tea, and she took the mug he offered her with a quiet 'thanks.'

  "So, what do you want to do today," he asked after sitting in silence for a while.

  "I don't know," she said. She didn't really feel like doing much of anything, still thinking about what Lex said. Don't get any ideas. It wasn't like she had. Part of her had figured it was for warmth. So why did she feel so upset now?

  "What? No more cuddling jokes," he asked; his tone was playful. But Aria didn't find it so funny anymore.

  She just shrugged.

  Eventually, they took the blanket and spread it down on the ground near the mountain, like they did the first day.

  Lex read his book, and Aria wrote. And then, for some reason, she decided to try drawing. She wasn’t very good, but she wanted to try drawing her mother. She chalked it up to the fact that she missed her. But part of her knew it was because her mother's appearance was still fresh in her mind. In a few years, she'd forget the little details of her mother's face. She wanted to draw her while she could still remember it.

  Eventually, she felt Lex shift to look over at her sketch. But she didn't pull it away this time. She let him look.

  "Is that your mother," he asked quietly.

  Aria nodded. A lump had formed in her throat.

  "She's beautiful," he said.

  "Yeah," Aria said, swallowing over the lump in her throat. "She is."

  He studied the picture for a few more moments.

  "Aria...I-I have to tell you something-" he began, but she cut him off.

  "What did your mother look like," she asked, turning to a blank page. Not wanting to look at her mother's face for another second. She didn't want to talk about her mother. It was making the dark thoughts from the night before resurface.

  "What?"

  "Your mother? What did she look like," she repeated. "I-I could draw her for you."

  He looked a little taken aback. "Aria, you don't have to do that."

  "I want to."

  He hesitated. Just when she thought he'd tell her he didn't want to talk about his mother, either, he spoke up. "She looked like Grace," he said.

  And so, he began describing her. Aria drew after asking him for specific details, like her nose's exact shape or if she'd had a full top lip.

  After she got a good idea of how the woman had looked, she drew her part by part, an eye here, the angle of her jaw there. She drew the woman. She couldn't tell how realistic the drawing was, but if Lex's face was anything to go by, she'd gotten close.

  "Thank you," he said, after studying it for what felt like a full five minutes.

  She went to rip the page out to give it to him, but he stopped her.

  "No," he said. "Keep it in there. With the one of your mother."

  "But I drew it for you."

  "I know. And it's-it's perfect. But you should keep it in there."

  She wasn't sure why he was so adamant about her keeping the picture. But maybe it had made him too sad? She thought about how she felt, looking at Katy's picture. A part of her understood.

  "Let's play a game," she said, despe
rate to change the subject. She wanted to feel light again, not weighed down by the image of dead mothers.

  "What," he asked, smiling a little. "A game?"

  "Yeah, don't you have those down here? Or do you just kill people for fun," she asked. For a second, she thought he'd get offended.

  "Very funny. But I meant like, what kind of game, you little brat."

  "Rat," she laughed. It was such a ridiculous thing to call someone. "Who the hell calls someone a rat? Wait, who the hell calls their wife a rat?"

  "I do," he said, "because unlike the others...my wife is a little rat."

  Aria turned on her back, really laughing now.

  He poked her stomach. "Are you done? Didn't you say something about a game?"

  "Okay, so there's this game I used to play with my best friend. Our dads would join us, but we were really good, so we almost always won. You can't talk, but you have to do something to...like, you have to describe a word or a place or anything really, but...you can't talk. Does that make sense," she asked.

  The look on his face told her that no, it didn't make sense.

  She sighed. She got up to show him an example.

  "Okay, so if my word is 'food,' I'd do something like this" she took a bite from an invisible apple and made a show of pretending to chew it and swallow "to describe it. I'd keep going until you guessed right or gave up. Got it?"

  He nodded.

  They played for hours, using basically anything they could think of. They both got frustrated easily when the other person took too long to give up or get the word right. Half of the time, they ended up laughing about some of the ridiculous things they did. Aria had never heard Lex laugh so much. The smile on his face made it hard for her not to smile, too.

  Chapter 21

  He got off the bed and went to put more wood in the fireplace.

  "You should put more in there," Aria said after he stuck a thick log into the fire.

  "Why? Are you cold," he asked.

  "No, but we'll be heading to bed soon. It'll probably get a little chilly," she said, a smile playing at her lips. "You might get cold again...."